I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
