In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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