3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
