3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
