A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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