have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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