no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
