you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
