you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
