my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
