i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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