wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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