Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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