No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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