I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
