yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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