in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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