Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
