So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
