I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
