For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
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Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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