yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
3 2 1 whiskey
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
