dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Its about making memories worth repressing
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
