Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
