dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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