I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
