Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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