we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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