sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
