ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
