Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
