I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
