the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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