ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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