Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
