I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
