Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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