Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
