We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
