I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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