he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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