fuck your aforementioned shoe
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
