He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
