sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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