can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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