One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
