at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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