she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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