I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
