White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
