her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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