for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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