used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
