spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
