I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
