After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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