you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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