yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
