I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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