Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
