I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am naked and annoyed.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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