I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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