I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
