You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
