I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
