I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
