I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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