i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
