so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
