do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I won the penis lottery.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
