I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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