They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
