im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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