when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
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Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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