best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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