omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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