Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
