i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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